my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
