It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
