is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
