so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I wish there were birth control emojis
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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