Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
