help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
