I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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