how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
