THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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