So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
