Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
