you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
