I'm jealous of your bromance
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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