Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
