Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
