Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
