Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
