apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
