I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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