Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
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