all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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