Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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