So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
