I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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