You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I am available for nakedness
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
