We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
