i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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