Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
