and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
They have beer where we have blood.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
