you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
