What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
