A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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