did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Randomize
