the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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