he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
