all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
