I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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