but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
