Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
