Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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