Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
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