So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
pray to the hookup gods
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Randomize
