Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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