i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
