but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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