Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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