dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
My breasts were aching with rage.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
