youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
