nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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