I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
i think im in europe. pls send help
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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