Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
