I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
two words...techno handjob
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
