I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
