he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
