my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
